Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
