I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
