I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
