Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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