Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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