I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
