We won't sleep together?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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