Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
