It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
