Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
