Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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