Farmville is her only friend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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