Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
