Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This baby is an asshole
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
