I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
