Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
