Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
