what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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