Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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