T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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