I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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