Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sext me about skeletons
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
