who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
