I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
