Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
