this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
