I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
