did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is Oprah even human
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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