dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
