remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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