party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
