I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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