Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
