At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
