By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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