the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
