college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
