oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
