the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
