how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
