well I can't set my house on fire every night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
