I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
