saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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