No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
