can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.