one word: firstdatebathroomanal
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
