Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?