"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just invented taco cereal.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate