its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize