I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dating After Heartbreak
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad