I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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