Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.