as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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