I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
