Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
