Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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