Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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