He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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