You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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