i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
