Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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