God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
