Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
