can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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