My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize