I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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