My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm really busy with my period
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