do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
