we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
