What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
