Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet