there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.