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There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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