If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.