Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
