There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
