this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
