I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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