Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
