I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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