Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
