I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
