ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
